My YiaYia (grandma in Greek), my mom's mom, had been very sick for a couple of weeks and in the hospital.
I had spoken with my mom the day before, Friday, and we were very excited with her progress so you can imagine the shock I was in when my mom said to me, "YiaYia passed away, sister."
The tears rolled down my cheeks, as I sat there in disbelief.
How could my grandma be gone? She was such a strong woman with many years left. Why was she taken from us so early!?!?
My sadness turned into anger. I couldn't understand why the Lord would do this to me and to my family. My mom, who is recovering from Cancer, needed my grandma. My children, who had only spent a few days of their lives with her, needed to be held by her. They needed to see and remember her smile and to hear her contagious laugh. My unborn child needed to meet their Great YiaYia and to be blessed and loved by her. I needed to feel her powerful presence and to hear the wisdom she often spoke.
But then I realized how selfish I was being; My anger turned into sadness once again.
How could I wish for someone I love to live in pain just so I could have them close and here, on Earth, with me?
Why didn't I try harder to visit home (California)? I could have saved better so I could have flown out there with the twins. I feel like I deprived her from getting to know her great grandchildren. I still feel awful about this. UGH!!
There are so many emotions one goes through when a loved one has passed. There has not been a day I haven't thought about my YiaYia. But knowing she is in Heaven and in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ helps me through my selfishness.
For now, I know she feels no pain, no sorrow.